


Kitchen Nightmares: Space Kitchen

by ghostqueennotmean



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Forgive Me, Gen, I'm Bad At Titles, This Is STUPID, also Keith is a real life Fruit Ninja, and also my first work in the fandom, basically just me messing around, yay?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 12:05:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14105004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostqueennotmean/pseuds/ghostqueennotmean
Summary: Lance wants a fruit salad. The fruit is not cooperating. Keith gets dragged in to help. Containing missed references, an unhelpful Pidge, and Coran silently praying that his kitchen comes out of this alive.





	Kitchen Nightmares: Space Kitchen

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyyyyyy! Welcome to my first work on AO3, and also my first Voltron fic! I'd really appreciate it if people left critique on here- I know that some of the characters are a little OOC, I'm still getting a handle on writing them. Aaaaannnnd.... yeah!

Lance honestly wasn’t sure _what_ the fruit was called, _where_ it was from, or even _why_ it had appeared in the ship’s kitchen, but he found it tasted like mango and seemed to be safe enough for consumption. That was all fine- if anything, it was perfect! Another space food source that humans could eat!

  
However, the problems came when the _rest_ of this weird placebo-mango was called into question.

  
It was bright purple, for starters (not that it mattered much, but Lance honestly found it to be a complete and utter _eyesore_ , so there). The skin was tough and hard, which honestly made it seem more like a space egg than anything else, and it was perfectly spherical. Lance actually had to scan it a couple times to make sure it wasn’t an egg, but that was beside the point as well. He had a feeling Coran might know the fruit’s name, but he also had a feeling that asking about it would most likely result in the answer paired with a long-winded story about bilgesnarps and gargenheims and _who knows what else._

  
In any case, Lance was as of current attempting to make fruit salad with the placebo-mango and a variety of other alien foodstuffs, and failing miserably. Yeah, yeah, it should’ve been easy enough, but he was still failing- probably due to a number of factors. Maybe the fact he’d never cut any of these things before? That he’d kept getting distracted? That Pidge had decided to come sit on the counter and laugh at his struggles once she’d heard his angry Spanish?

  
Okay, yeah, the last one might’ve been the worst, at least in his opinion. Anyways, the Blue paladin was definitely not doing too hot. Lance had at last flopped down on the kitchen floor and placed his head in his hands with a sigh. Pidge cackled even harder, wiping tears from her eyes.

  
“Given up already?” She’d asked from her perch, earning a glare from Lance.

  
“I just don’t get it! I have tried _every sharp object in the quiznaking kitchen!_ And none of them are sharp enough to cut through this Barney-inspired _demon fruit!”_ He gestured wildly to the counter. “I am _99% sure_ I have permanently bent the knife blades!” Pidge gave another snort, pushing herself off of the counter to look at the offending objects.

  
“Hm.” She hummed, beginning to examine the foodstuffs. Giving the placebo-mango an experimental bounce, she noted the thunk it made as it hit the counter and bounced back up. “Well, maybe we need alien tech for alien food.” Lance looked up hopefully.

  
“Pidge, you genius- but what would we use? I can’t shoot ‘em.”

  
“My bayard would cook them if I tried to use it, and Hunk’s is useless as well. Would Shiro’s arm work?”

  
“Even if he did, would he let us use it?”

  
“No, because he would be using it, _duh.”_

  
“Oh, shut up-”

  
Footsteps walking near the open doorway interrupted the bickering, and both paladins looked over just in time to see Keith, panting, walk by. His hair was tied back and it was obvious he’d just come from the training deck, as he still had his sword in his hand-

  
Wait.

  
Pidge and Lance shared a look, before Lance shot up and grabbed the offending item off of the counter. With a scream of “HEY, MULLET!” he reared his arm back and baseball-pitched the purple fruit at the Red paladin. Keith jolted, muscles reacting instinctively as his sword swung out. There was a hollow noise as the now-halved fruit fell to the ground. PIdge and Lance cheered, high-fiving each other as they leapt around in joy. Keith had his brows furrowed in anger.

  
“What the heck was that for?!” He snapped. Pidge stopped her jumping momentarily.

  
“Do it again! We _gotta_ make this fruit salad-” She picked up another fruit as Keith made a confused noise in his throat. “-your bayard is the _only thing_ that has managed to cut through this fruit-” She grabbed a wrecked knife and waved it around for emphasis- “-and that looked _awesome._ You HAVE to do it again!” The Green paladin was bubbling as she harped on excitedly. Keith’s look of rage had changed into one of puzzlement.

  
“You- you want me to cut the fruit with my sword in midair as you _throw it at me?”_

  
“Yeah!” Lance burst in. “Come on man, _pleeeeeeaaasseeee?_ I’m _hungryyyyyy,_ and I’ll share with you if you wanna! Come on, you get to play real-life Fruit Ninja!” Keith hesitated for a second.

  
“...What’s a Fruit Ninja?” Lance’s jaw dropped.

  
“You’re joking, yo-”

  
_“Nevermind!”_ Keith snapped again, and the room quickly fell into silence as Keith looked down. Then, he took a deep breath and shouldered his blade.  


  
_“Toss ‘em.”_

  
A second later, Lance had grabbed another piece of food with a whoop and hurled it at the half-Galra as Pidge vaulted to the side to get a large metal bowl balance precariously on the edge of a table. With one smooth movement, the bayard easily sliced through the object. Pidge gave a running slide, skidding right under Keith’s blade and catching the pieces in her bowl with a laugh. Keith gave a smirk, something like enjoyment flashing in his eyes.

  
“Is that all you got?” He taunted Lance, and the Cuban let out a gasp.

  
“Oh- _you asked for it!”_ With that, he scooped the storage basket closer to himself and began throwing food as fast as possible, high and low and side to side. Keith’s sword swung with precision that would make the fictional Fruit Ninja proud, sometimes slicing an item more than once as Pidge scrambled around the tiles to catch all of the spliced pieces.

  
It was at that moment that Coran decided to check up on his paladins, slightly concerned at the amount of screaming currently occuring in the kitchen. It was also at this moment that he found all three of them- yes, even Keith- giggling maniacally, soaked in fruit juice and whooping in drunk happiness. The Altean watched quietly for a second, a small smile playing on his features as he observed the chaos. Was this some form of bizarre Earth custom? And why was it so _messy?_

  
He observed how joyous the Red paladin looked as Blue and Green raced around him with reckless abandon.

  
Maybe he’d let these Earth children destroy his kitchen for just a little while longer.


End file.
